HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
