In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
