Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
