I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
