two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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