his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
