hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Drunk is a universal language darling
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