Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
