Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I want a musical about memes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
