WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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