I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
