Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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