My hair reeks of homosexuality.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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