What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I touched a dick in church today
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
