Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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