North Korea, Best Korea!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
