she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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