will power is for people who don't want to get laid
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
