I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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