i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
