some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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