I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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