so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he just fucked me for my cheese..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
