i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
