Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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