He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
