Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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