I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
