Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
