my mouth tastes like poor choices
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
