Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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