he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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