who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
