I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
