woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
