Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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