You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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