At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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