My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
