Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
