My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
