I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
