Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
