He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
