If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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