i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
