Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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