Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
