Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
