just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
