Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
